The Solution to a Toxic Co-Worker: Boundaries
I began a job at a streaming firm and nearly instantly felt friction and stress with my supervisor and colleagues, lots of whom have labored collectively at varied corporations for round 20 years. Their approach of working and doing issues felt outdated and nonsensical to me. I questioned processes and insurance policies and tried to make ideas for tactics we might enhance. All my ideas had been instantly shut down, notably with one co-worker. That co-worker has been at the corporate the longest and was instantly defensive. I additionally discovered that she has criticized me to different co-workers. I really feel like she has helped folks kind untimely opinions about me that aren’t true of my character or characterize my work. (I must also word this co-worker is a white girl, I’m a Black girl, and her assistant, who can also be a Black girl, has relayed to me the terrible issues she has stated behind my again.)
Several different folks have joined the corporate since I began, and likewise see the problems with this explicit co-worker’s conduct. I’ve tried to debate my considerations along with her, and she or he both gaslights me or doesn’t come clean with the behaviors. I’ve additionally talked at size with our supervisor about this. Our supervisor sees my aspect and has apologized at size for this girl’s actions, however has not reprimanded her or eliminated her from the function.
How can I get this problematic co-worker to know her behaviors are poisonous? I do know I can’t change folks, so how can I additionally create boundaries between myself and this girl? How can I affect my boss to take severe motion on this matter and domesticate a piece surroundings the place all folks’s voices are heard and revered?
You are asking lots of questions right here for which there aren’t satisfying solutions. You desire a poisonous particular person to see the error of her methods, but when she had been able to doing so, she wouldn’t be so poisonous. You need your new worker as an ally, so you will have at least one particular person in your aspect. You need your boss to listen to your considerations and act accordingly. You are clearly feeling remoted, which is comprehensible.
But what you’re asking is, “How do I control people, so they behave the way I want?” I’m afraid that isn’t doable even in conditions the place all you need is to be seen, heard and handled with respect. It is difficult to affix an organization the place the staff have a longstanding bond. It doesn’t appear as if this group is especially curious about welcoming new staff, which inherently creates stress.
It additionally appears as for those who got here into this group and instantly started critiquing their processes with out understanding the tradition. That doesn’t justify this girl’s conduct by any means, however you might wish to suppose by more practical methods to combine with this new firm. The solely actions you may management are your individual, so boundaries are, certainly, going to be your finest protection. Limit your interactions along with her. If she speaks to you disrespectfully, name her out on it and doc it.
Develop a collegial relationship together with your new worker. You don’t have to get her to know your co-worker’s toxicity. I’m fairly sure that’s self-evident. Play chess, not checkers. Your co-worker is an impediment it’s essential work round till you discover a option to get previous her. I hope you and your new colleagues can develop a extra frictionless working relationship. Toxic office cultures are untenable. You deserve higher.